Secrets. They tend to catch up with you. And when you keep a secret for decades, or at least one that only a select few know about, it’s bound to bubble and bubble until you can’t keep it in anymore.
That’s what happened a few days ago for me, leading to my first post here.
Those who know me best know that unless I have few glasses of wine in me (or rye and gingers…ahem) I’m usually pretty tight-lipped, especially when it comes to talking about how I’m feeling. I know that’s not so unusual, many people keep things to themselves.
We all are going through something. We are all struggling.
In the midst of all the shocking Weinstein revelations coming to light, my husband M and I were speaking about it last week and how appalled we were. Not surprised, mind you, but appalled. Heartbroken. How those strong and successful women kept their secret for decades, like me. How so many do. How yes, that time when I was five impacted me no question, but also how slightly lesser invasive situations like the time when I was 12 and the time when I was 16, stayed with me as well, almost 30 years after they happened. These situations leave an imprint on you, even if you don’t realize how significant it will be at the time. Those jerks who yelled at me from their car? Do you think they remember it at all? They probably forgot about it as soon as they drove past me. What about that kid from my art class? Clearly he is not bothered by it, judging by how he keeps requesting to follow me on Instagram. And yet, I still remember. It still bothered me enough finally talk about it. To write about it.
Why do we feel like we can’t speak up? That these situations are our fault? We should have done this or shouldn’t have done/worn/said this. If only.
We are your mothers, wives, girlfriends, sisters, your aunts, your cousins, your friends. Your coworkers, neighbours, teachers. And, as one of my close friends said to me the other day, we ALL have these stories. As I shared my story, the amazing women in my life shared theirs and showed me that I wasn’t alone, while they and others sent me such beautiful words of encouragement and love. My tribe. They were there.
So this is a thank you to those closest to me who took the time to read my previous post. And sent so many amazing words of encouragement and support and love and light my way. A weight has been lifted, as clichéd as it sounds. Or at least it’s lighter. It was so hard, inviting my nearest and dearest to read something so very personal, but I did it. And that was the first step.
Thank you for walking the rest of the way with me.
T. xo
Recalling Me 